They say things change when you get married. Friendships vanish and disappear into thin air. They weren’t lying about that. I’ve gotten used to my new life with by husband (Le Hubz), who also happens to be my best friend. It has now been six years since we’ve been together and two years since we got married, and I love him more and more each day.
This post is to discuss friendships outside of marriage. As I mentioned, when you get married some friends make it into your new life, and some get left behind. Many will choose to walk away for various reasons. For me personally, only a few made it but since I moved to Arizona from Texas, it hasn’t been the same anyway. I’m glad and am thankful for the ones who are still a part of my life today, but sometimes we simply can’t relate. I am married, am a mother now, and live in a different state. Most are single and have no children. Plus, it’s not like we could meet up for coffee or hang out.
I kept whining to Le Hubz about how I didn’t have any friends here in AZ, and he kept reminding me that it would take time to meet people and eventually have some new friends. Making new friends as an adult can be difficult. I met people at church, but none who I truly connected with. Everyone kept telling me that when my son starts school, there would be many ways to meet other moms and have new friends. But that is like, in three years! So, I gave up the idea of meeting and having any friends for the moment.
Then one day, my pastor put me in touch with a young lady from our church who was new and was looking to meet people. She and I have a lot in common apparently, so my pastor thought that it would be nice to put us in contact. At first, I was a bit hesitant, but I went ahead and contacted her anyway. I’m glad I did so because we instantly clicked. She had also been going through the same thing as me–praying for a friend that she could relate to. I prayed for a friend (for two years now), and God heard me.
Long story short, it was a divine connection… It is amazing how God brings people together. We met for coffee and conversation, and I am glad to be finally having girl chat over coffee again.
New friends can often have a better time together than old friends.
–F. Scott Fitzgerald.
I was just telling Le Hubz that week about how disappointed I was concerning one of the most important friendships I ever had that ended abruptly. There are some people who I grew up with believing that we would always be friends and never once imagined that we would be apart or that we would no longer be friends at some point. I feel like I am always the one to turn the other cheek and try to make things work with people. And somehow people take advantage of that. I’ve learned that once you have done everything you can in your power to save a friendship, but the other person is not doing the same, then you must let it go. As difficult as it can be to let go, it must be done!
Once I learned how to let go of my idea of friendships of the past, I was able to embrace friendships in the present. No, you won’t see them as much as you might have when you were in the dorms, but the friendships you form as an adult can be just as worthwhile and valid as when you were younger. Sometimes we need to compartmentalize our friendships or adapt them to new life circumstances and that is OK.
I am grateful for my pastor. He always likes to connect people together. If only he knew that this time around, he’d be the key for the answered prayers of two young women.