Who Am I?

This week, I assigned an assignment in class for students to write an essay with the topic “Who am I?” I’m realizing that if I was in their shoes, I would have no idea what to write.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t know who I am. I am constantly changing my mind about things. Whether it’s a career change, where I want to live, or my Instagram username/bio. I feel pressured and anxious about the most random things. I question things I once believed in and people who I once trusted. One minute I’m happy and then the next I feel so overwhelmed with life.

Motherhood is a blessing, journey, and a rollercoaster. your children become priority and your dreams and aspirations take the back burner at times. As someone with so much ambition, this has been hard to accept. sacrifice. selfless love.

Who am I?

I think I’m trying to find myself. What is really my purpose? I’m thirty years old and still can’t figure it out. For some people it’s an easy answer. But who the heck am I? I should know by now. Why don’t I?
For some people it’s an easy answer. But who the heck am I? I should know by now. Why don’t I?

So that’s why I’m writing. Because writing is therapeutic and it’s like talking to someone, only problem is that words do not talk back.

I feel like I should be more. Doing more. Trying more. Like nothing is ever enough. I am constantly seeking change or adding on tasks to my already busy life. Then I hear God whisper,

“you are enough. where you are is where I want you to be.”

And then, everything falls into place….

When It’s Time To Let It Go

Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.
—Hermann Hesse

For some, letting go is as easy as saying “oh forget it.”  In that moment, they’ve let go. For others, like me, letting go is more difficult.  Something I have been battling with is letting go of certain people/relationships. Because I know that as soon as I let go, I will no longer turn back or have room for it in my heart. And that whatever it is I’ve been holding to and fighting for, will disappear into thin air as if it never was. I know that as soon as I let go, it ends there. And then we soon become strangers to each other and awkwardly smile as we pass each other.

Letting go is hard. Very hard. But there is a time when you can no longer lie to yourself.

I’ve always been the kind of person that reaches out to another person first or always turns the other cheek. I’ve always been the one to make amends or forget about past disappointments.  I’ve always been the nice one. And because of it, people have taken advantage.

Friendships go both ways. And if one decides to check out without letting the other person know, then it somehow will come to an end.

And that’s okay. Letting go is hard, but it’s doable. Letting go hurts, but it’s for the best. If you are going through something similar, take a deep breath, exhale, and let go…

 Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.
—Steve Maraboli

Image

What Would You Tell Your Younger Self?

 

Just live the little things.

This is what I would tell my younger self.

Growing up, I always looked forward to the next best thing.  The next phase of my life when I’d graduated from high school, went to college, got a new car, traveled,  got married and etc.. I would literally check mark when each thing on my “list” happened. I did that so much that I feel as if I started to miss out on just living in the moment.  I was constantly wishing and dreaming for the next “best thing”.

When we are always looking forward to “the next best thing”,  when will we ever truly live in the present?

Cherish those friends, because one day they will no longer be. Cherish your family, because one day your relationship might change.

If someone had told me ten years ago that my life would have turned out the way it is now, I probably would not have believe them; because then years ago, my life was a whole lot different.

In the past ten years, I have gotten married, had two children, moved away, gained weight, lost weight, made  friends, and lost some friends.  A lot more has happened, but this is just a snippet.

One cannot go back in the past to change things. Sure there are lots of things I wish I had handled differently that resulted in broken friendships/relationships, but all I can do is learn and move on with my life.

So many things happen in life that we simply cannot control. It is not about all of the horrible things that happen to us, but it is about how we handle the situations and what we learn from them.

 

Just live the little things. This is what I would tell my younger self.

Now that I’m older and wiser (at least I think I am…LOL), I am living the little things to the fullest!

 

Focus on the Positive. Pray for the Negative.

This morning, I had my quiet moment for about 5 1/2 minutes and then the baby cried. Oh yeah, the baby– since my last post, I went into labor a few days later and had my beautiful baby boy! I will soon be writing the birth story.

Going back to my quiet moment, during
that time, this came to me: it’s much easier to tell someone what he/she is doing wrong rather than to focus on the wonderful things he/she is doing right.  Focus on the positive. Pray for the negative. Appreciate more. Complain less. Uplift more.  Don’t tear down.
So as you continue with your day, I encourage you to keep that in mind.

 

Love ,
Debz

Gallery

Don’t Let Your Dreams Cloud Reality

Hello world! I hope you haven’t forgotten all about me. The last time I blogged was about four months ago. Shame on me. Yes, you can say it. It’s okay. I should feel bad. I kept telling The Hubz, “I need to blog. What should I blog about?” But I never actually took the time to do it. Okay enough about my excuses.

We’ve all had that “Dream” that we could barely go a day without thinking about. Or that thing we want so badly that we are working hard daily to “have it.” Well, for me it is my “Dream Home.”

Since last year, I started to tell my husband nonstop about a certain “dream” home that I’ve seen  or how badly I want out of our current home. We even started making plans to move next year.  I wanted a new home so bad that I could taste it. Nothing was going to stop this from happening. We are both working full-time so it HAD to happen. As we started to do more research and prep, the more time I invested in my home search.

I was so deep in that I couldn’t face reality–the truth. If we were going to buy a home now, it would mean more compromise. But I didn’t want to compromise. I wanted everything on my list. But was it the best timing? No. We could have easily continued with the home search, but then I finally decided to face the facts. If we moved next year, I would still need to compromise several things on my “wish list” because the market is at a peak–which would mean that I’d possibly want to move again–years down the road. As hard as it was for me to accept, it simply was not the right time.

Instead, I’ve refocused my energy on redecorating and renovating parts of our house.

wpid-2015-10-29-14-57-25.png

Redecorated the Entryway

I am learning to make my current home feel like a real home until I get to the dream home. It may not be for several years, but I’m content anyhow. It is so easy to look past what we have for what we wish to have. It is so easy to take what we have for granted.

wpid-2015-10-28-02.11.27-1.jpg.jpeg

And I’m even gardening!

wpid-2015-10-26-03.19.13-1.jpg.jpeg

So my friends, yes, you must work hard to make your dreams come true. But don’t let your dreams cloud reality. If you’re in a similar situation, I suggest you learn to love where you are and make it as cozy and inviting as possible.

Real Friendships Take Time to Develop

There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.

Learning and writing a lot about friendship these days. The older I get, the less friends I have and the more valuable my friends become.

wpid-img_20150614_111750.jpg

I have a few childhood friends who I am still very close with today, but as the years go by it’s important to find friends that you can relate to.  And it’s important to become the friend you seek to have.

The older we get, the more difficult it can be to find/make new friends. But real friendships take time to develop. And sometimes,  the best friends we’ll ever make happen in our adulthood–when we least expect it.

Failure is Not an Excuse!

Failure should not define who you are. I’m sure that many of you have failed at something at one point in your life. Failure is simply something that will happen to you. It doesn’t have to become who you are or the essence of what you are.

Use failure as a motivation to try harder, fight harder. Let failure make you stronger. Let failure teach you a lesson. If you allow your failures to define you, you will never live life to the fullest. You won’t be capable of chasing after your dreams because there will always be something holding you back.

My husband once said to me before we even started dating, “You don’t drop out of school just because you failed a class.” And it is so true. If that was the case, so many of us wouldn’t be where we are today. In our case, we wouldn’t be married today. See, he knew that I was the woman for him long before I even knew it. And he didn’t give up until he got what he wanted. This is just an example, and one that I love to tease him about as well. 🙂

IMG_20140824_151155

Some people use failure as an excuse to remain in the same place. But that excuse can only be used so many times. There comes a time when you have to move on and put the past where it belongs—behind you.

We all have failed at something, but find the plans which God has for you and you will succeed. Knowing that I have a little one who looks up to me helps me stay on the right path. And even if/when I fail again at something in the future, I will always get up and try again.

IMG_20150511_105251

So, don’t let failure define you!

Image

Nothing is Random

Do you ever wonder why certain things happen? I know I do. Things we can and cannot control happen. I believe that there is no randomness in your life. Live by knowing that nothing is random.

wpid-img_20150422_090111.jpg

When you worry so much about the future, you are avoiding the present. Don’t half live today’s precious moments because the future is blinding your sight. Live by knowing that nothing in your life is random.

Live with the determination to not make time for worrying about things you simply cannot do anything about.

I Am a Happy Person. Are You?

I can’t sleep, so hello blog!

I posted this on my IG a while ago, but forgot to blog  about it!

I am a happy person, or at least I try to be. I don’t let things keep me from being happy. It’s just not in my nature. Even when I try to stay mad about something, I eventually revert back to my “happy self” within hours.  I realize that not everyone is like me, but I believe that everyone could be happy if they tried not to let the circumstances of life affect them.

I smile 90% of the time. I am so glad that my son got that joyful spirit like his mama. He pauses and smiles for the camera every single time.

wpid-2015-04-05-06.07.19-2.jpg.jpeg

My parents used to call me ” la joie” (joy) when I was a baby because I was always happy. I believe that no matter what, there’s always something to smile about. Your smile could brighten up someone’s day.

Enjoy life. Choose to be happy even if you only have one tooth to show. 🙂
IMG-20150331-WA0003

You will never be happy as long as you are self-centered. You will be happy if you help others, and if you take your focus off yourself. -A Devotion

Sometimes what we think we want so bad is not necessarily what is best for us.

I thought I wanted to have a full-time job and get my career rolling.

But I’m starting to realize that maybe it isn’t what I should focus on right now. I have a beautiful 8-month old baby who needs his mama, and I should enjoy every single moment with him instead of wasting time wondering why so and so company decided not to hire me. (By the way, why do companies interview external candidates when they know that they will end up hiring an internal candidate? Stop wasting people’s time!)

Before KLM came into this world, I had no idea that he would change my life so much. In a world full of chaos and uncertainty, I know that there is a little funny guy who will always put a smile on my face.

Most mothers have no choice but to go back to work only after six weeks time off, but I am fortunate to be able to spend time and witness all of my baby’s milestones (thanks for making it possible, M.A., my husband) 

The older KLM gets, the more attached I become. I only work/teach three days a week  for a couple of hours, and on those days that I drop him off at his in-home daycare, my heart cringes every single time–even though it is literally only for a couple of hours. Just the thought of leaving him for eight hours plus now suddenly seems emotionally painful.

Those are the challenges that working mothers face–being away from their children. Being an adjunct professor has its disadvantages and advantages, but now that I’m a mother, I’m starting to realize that it might not be so bad after all. Teaching part-time gives me the opportunity to spend time with my son, while still doing what I love. Some days are more difficult than others though. So much that  I’m considering teaching only online or evenings when The Hubz is home. God knows what’s best for me and my family, so my prayer is that His will be done in our lives. He knows the desires of my heart, and my desire is to give my child the best of the best.

wpid-img_20150402_185933.jpg

If you’re a mom, why/how did you decide to be a working mom or a stay at home mom?

Make Time for Yourself!

Make time for yourself.

Even if all you got is five minutes. Light a candle and read, write, think, meditate, or reflect–just you and your thoughts.

wpid-2015-03-24-07.53.11-2.jpg.jpeg

We easily get carried away by life and everything that comes with it that taking a minute for ourselves becomes a challenge. But we all need that time.

Will you make time for yourself today? 

Giving up is easy. It doesn’t require any effort.

Things fall apart.  Plans change. People disappoint.  People hurt you. In my case,  employers decide not to hire you. All of these things can result in the easy way out: giving up.

wpid-2015-03-02-08.38.05-1.jpg.jpeg

Giving up is easy.  It doesn’t require any effort.  All it takes is for you to not do anything about your situation. Just cross your arms and turn your back on the world. But does it get you anywhere?

I have personally been dealing with the thought of giving up on my dreams/goals. I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am, but my career seems to be stuck or moving in slow motion. I started questioning my abilities and whether my dreams are just that.  Dreams.

But I must remind myself to use best thinking in any set of circumstances and not only when it is convenient or when I feel like it.

Find the good in the bad.  If you’re trying to accomplish something,  but keep running into obstacles, keep thriving. It is very difficult for me to stay positive when I don’t seem to think that there is anything to be positive about when it comes to where my career is at this point. But I know that being negative won’t take me where I need to be. God placed those dreams in my heart for a reason.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

-Henry Ford