Making Mom Friends Is Like Dating, But I Finally Have Some!

TRUE STORY…

So, a little bit over a year ago, I discussed how I was having a hard time making friends and that the only mom friend I had did not even live in the same state as me!

Oh, how so much has changed since then! Thank God! But before I continue,  it’s important you understand why we even need mom friends/girlfriends.

Rachael Boley couldn’t have said it any better!

There’s nothing quite like another mom friend who just gets it. It’s bigger than needing each other for tips and tricks and help. We need each other for the friendship and support that comes from our people — the moms walking in the trenches beside us.

We need those friends that just get it. When you want to vent, laugh, or cry because your kids can’t seem to get it together.  Or simply when you feel like you’re falling apart, those friends can be there to remind you that, yes, it’s hard but you are not alone and you can make it through those potty training days or those sleepless nights.

Making mom friends is truly like dating. Ha. I read that somewhere and can’t agree more on this. You just don’t click with another mom simply because she also has kids. It takes more than that: personality,  interests etc.

I have learned not to judge another mom because of her parenting style/choices. We are all different but can definitely learn so much from one another.

I never knew that becoming a mother would somehow be so competitive. I thought the cliques and comparisons stopped in high school, but you would be surprised at some of the stuff I witnessed at mommy groups!

Last year we moved to a different  neighborhood.  Since then, I have met some truly awesome mamas: some neighbors, some from mom groups, and others through mutual friends.

As a work-at-home-mom, my challenge was that I didn’t fit into just one category. I’m a stay-at-home mom and working mom at the same time. Yes, I could meet up for playdates but not as often as other SAHMs could.  There are some SAHMs I met who I just could not relate to and others who we clicked instantly.

Anyway,  I made the best of the situation and can say today that I have MOM FRIENDS! Woot woot.

I actually have friends that I can meet up with or without the kiddos for a walk, coffee or storytime at the library. God heard my prayer! Hah. And now my husband is happy I no longer complain about this, I’m sure.

If you are struggling to make mom friends, don’t give up. Here are a few things that worked for me during this long, lonely journey!

1. Mommy groups. For me, personally,  it worked but then it also did not work. The first few groups I joined were not as successful.  There was one particular group where it seemed as if the moms there were simply not interested in meeting anyone new. What’s the point of this group then!? It was very “clicky”. I also felt judged because I was probably the only mom there who put her kids in daycare part-time.  Mind me, I was still working full-time (from home) so this just didn’t make sense to them. What they don’t realize is that you can’t really work from home full-time if you have toddlers around. Anyway… that group was not for me.

When I did find the right group, I became good friends with one gal who told me about a fit mama’s group (walking group). There, I met a few more mamas who I became really cool with.

2. Storytime: I have met a few moms there but none that I can actually call “friends”. However, it is a great place to meet other moms.

3. Church: I have become friends with a few mamas from my church. Although it did take some time and we do not see each other as much outside of church,  the support has been a tremendous blessing.

4. Mutual Friends:  Now, this is what really worked for me actually! For example, one of my husband’s college pals moved closer to us and the wife and I became good friends. Then I introduced her to my neighbor, and the three of us have created this Mom Tribe I prayed for.  What is even more of a blessing is that before we all met each other, we had each been praying for mom friends.

Another good friend of mine, I met through a mutual acquaintance.  She and I are both writers and so we are just grateful to be in each other’s lives. Having that support from a fellow mother and writer is truly a blessing.

5. Neighbors: depending on where you live, but for me I created a Facebook Mom’s Group for my neighborhood/community. Through this group, some of my neighbors have become my friends. The reason I created the group is because we didn’t have one. Some communities may already have a Mom’s group. Just look into it.

Just don’t give up! Be open and non-judgmental . Know that you are not the only one going through this.

Motherhood can be lonely and having those mom friends to do this #MomLife with is crucial for your sanity.

Be the Friend You Wish You Had!

Be the friend you wish you had and never take the ones you have for granted.

This past week, I had the pleasure to reunite with a long time friend of mine. She came to visit us from Texas along with her husband, and little baby girl of two months. Best friends reunite! We finally got to hold each other’s babies who are only 7 weeks apart! I only wish she lived closer.

It was great to just to all be together and talk, laugh etc. We talked about how things happen in life in interesting ways. For my loyal readers, you’ve read by now on my blog how I discussed friendships and the more difficult it becomes to have or keep friends around once married or once you have children. It is hard to understand why or how certain friendships simply do not last all the way into adulthood, but it happens more than often.

This friend of mine here, I’ve known her since high school. The funny thing is that I did not like her much when I first met her. We were introduced by my then best friend.  Long story short,  From high school, through college, marriage, and now motherhood, we’ve been there for each other. Today, we are both wives, mothers, and women of faith.

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It is not about how many friends one has, but more so about the value of those friendships.

I thank God for the friends he’s blessed me with. My prayer is that God keeps us in each other’s lives for as long as possible! Sometimes we don’t realize the value of certain friendships until it is too late. I can attest to that personally.

As we discussed different topics during her visit, we both realized that we had lost many friends over the years, but that we were okay with it. If you are personally struggling with being a new mom without any “mom friends”, know that this is common. Many of us are going through the same thing, myself included. My advice is to just be patient. Sometimes we make friends in the most unexpected encounters.  So I encourage you all to be the friend you wish you had and never take the ones you have for granted.

What is your biggest struggle/concern in regards to adult friendships? Share your thoughts!

The Hassle With Making Mom Friends

Oh crap. I only have one mom friend.

Several weeks ago, I was sitting simply reflecting on my life and the friends I’ve had throughout the years and I started to think,

“Oh wow. What happened to so and so…? Oh crap. I only have one mom friend. I think. Or maybe two at the most.”

Which would be fine if they lived in the same state as me.
So I started to realize that some people just move on, and others have a hard time moving on or letting go. Which one am I? And I the kind to hold on to bits of memories of friendships that once existed or am I one to just finally go “out there” and make some new friends? But like they all say, making mom friends is not that easy. Either they live too far or sometimes you just don’t click. I’ve been down that road before. And do I really have the time and energy to invest in a new friendship right now? Do I just walk up to a mom at the grocery store and say, “Hey, wanna be friends and have play dates…and stuff?” Awkward a bit. Isn’t it?

the hassle with

After posting about this on my Instagram, turns out that I was not alone.  They suggested:
“Go to a mom meet-up” or “go to the library” or “what about your church?”

I’ve done all of the above.
There was a time after I had my first baby when I was actively or maybe even desperately on “the search” for new mom friends. But after having my second baby I now realize that it will happen eventually and to not kill myself trying to make friends by forcing it upon myself. Tried that once and let’s just say it didn’t end well. I also don’t have much energy to even entertain the idea of making friends, let alone go anywhere by myself, hence, the bathroom, without:
A) a newborn crying in the background

or
B) a toddler following me to the bathroom.
But all jokes aside, sometimes it’s hard to accept our new circumstances. After losing a few friends years ago, I would find myself wondering if I had done something wrong but I realized that this is just life.

People get married. People have babies. People move away. People move on. Sometimes you just don’t have anything in common anymore, so the friendship just vanishes little by little. But that’s the beauty of friendship. You never know what’s ahead.

I’m learning what true friendship is and I realize that some friends were never really my friends to begin with, and I’m also realizing that I was not always a good friend myself. Matter of fact, I was probably a crappy friend. We like to point the finger, but now that I’m older and wiser (I think), I can look back and admit that.

A true friend, no matter what, knows and understands what is important to you and would stick by you through those significant moments in your life. A true friend also knows when to give you your space, but still be around at the same time. The true friend knows how to be there for you even when you don’t think you need them there. And when you become a mom, having a mom friend takes “a whole nother” meaning. You can’t ask for too much or expect too much from them. Just someone you can meet up with at the park with the kids, meet up for coffee for some “mommy time” and grown up chit-chat, or go for a morning walk to lose that baby weight.

 

So whenever my new mom friends will make their appearance in my life, I think I will be a pretty darn good friend—better than I ever was. But for now, I’m content with the ones I have, even if they live hundreds of miles away.

 

Also published on HUFFPOST  Here