I Became a Better Mom When I Went Back to Work.

It feels like yesterday that my daughter was just born. Now she is almost one-year-old.

It also just feels like yesterday, when we found out we were expecting a third baby, shock and emotion took over us. We were so surprised.

It feels like yesterday when I would wake up angry and frustrated every single morning, as I was home with three kids trying to balance this thing we call motherhood.  Looking back now, I can definitely see that I was dealing with some postpartum depression. I thought I was okay, but, really I was slowly sinking.

Every single morning, I woke up angry and I went to bed angrier. Nothing seemed to help. I sometimes envied my husband who could at least “flee” to work for some hours and did not have to be home all day with the kids and do all the other household chores that come with being a homemaker.

I was so angry. On the outside, I appeared to be fine but on the inside I was mad at the world. I did not want to admit it, though. What would people think of me? That I am ungrateful. Here I am, blessed to be home with my kids, and yet, I’m complaining while some other moms are forced to go back to work?

One thing I learned so far in my journey of being a mom is that, whether you are a working mom or a stay-at-home-mom, they are both challenging paths! You may not realize how tough the other role is until you spend at least a week in their shoes.

I love my children with all my heart, but I was exhausted.

20180612_093029Then I decided to wean my daughter earlier than planned–at 7 months. I am an advocate for breastfeeding and nursed both of my boys until they were 12 months old, but this third time around, it was different. It wore me out emotionally and physically, and the fact that I was not completely stable mentally, it was best to stop. That did wonders. Shortly after she started sleeping through the night, and I was able to get more sleep at night.

In all honesty, the thing that helped me heal from postpartum stress the most was working.  Right as I weaned baby girl at 7 months, a recruiter reached out to me for a remote position at Amazon. It seemed like a great opportunity and I happened not to be teaching anymore at the time. I figured “what the heck?” Actually, I was thrilled. My husband supported my decision and we found a mother’s helper/nanny to help me with the kids here at home while I worked upstairs in the office. I was still here at home with the kids and could stop in to check on them anytime.  With working, I made new acquaintances and felt like I gained a sense of “me” again.

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I was not just mommy.

Eventually, I realized that all my money was going towards the nanny and it did not make sense for me to keep working there, but I enjoyed my time there. Two months later, I had regained my normal state of mind.

A break from the kids allowed me to heal emotionally, physically, and mentally.

I became a better mom. Crazy but so true.

Anyway, the point of this post is that postpartum depression is real. If you are struggling with negative thoughts and emotions, anger, and resentment, talk to someone. Start with your significant other or a friend, but start somewhere.

Take a break from the kids–if possible, take a day to yourself or a few hours even, on a weekly basis. As for me, I realized that when I am working, I am a better mom and wife because I have that time to myself where I am pursuing my interests and utilizing my skills, writing + teaching. I am currently only working part-time, and it has definitely helped with my state of mind.

Moms, let’s stop being judgmental of other mom’s choices. Let’s be supportive. You don’t know what that person may be going through. Instead of judging their decision to work or not, try to be a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on. We all need that support system.

 

 

The Perfect Life

“EVERY MINUTE YOU SPEND WISHING YOU HAD SOMEONE ELSE’S LIFE IS A MINUTE SPENT WASTING YOURS.”

Sometimes people take instagram to the next level–as if it is literally real life.

What people do not know is that behind every perfect square, there is a story or a set up, should I say. That’s right. Those perfect feeds don’t happen naturally. They take effort, time and dedication! Most of those photos you see on perfect IGs are staged. People may take several shots of the same thing, and then go through a tedious editing process to only choose ONE picture to post. All this just for instagram! Not long ago, I was really obsessed with Instagram, but after taking a break for a while, I realized I had to make some changes.

One of the reasons I recently decided to make my Instagram less about my kids and home, and focus on my interests instead, such as my appreciation for the desert life, adventure, and travel, is because I really got tired of people thinking my life is perfect and I felt like I was attracting envy and jealousy. I understand that some people really mean well when they they:

“You are mom goals”, “You handle it so well!”, “I wish I could be strong like you.”, “Your house is always perfect.”

Haha. Well, thank you, but..

The truth is, I am just as human as you. Instagram is just Instagram. People post pretty pictures because people want to see pretty pictures. I am not perfect. Matter of fact, I am going through one of the most difficult stages of my life. I have been struggling with anger and bitterness and just like most of us, I’m just trying to survive! Day by day, I am leaning on God to strengthen me.

Just because I do not post about these negative emotions and difficult moments, it doesn’t mean I don’t have them or that they don’t exist. Just the other day, I broke down out of nowhere because I was feeling so overwhelmed with everything.

It’s time to stop comparing yourself to what you see on Instagram because there is much more to those squares. Every picture has a story. I guess you could say that’s the downfall of social media; it creates envy and the comparison game.

“So and so has this, so I’m gonna go get it too.”

I love Instagram because I get to follow amazing people with beautiful feeds I love so much. I get to share what I love with the use of photos and connect with people, but it’s so easy to get sucked into the comparison game, y’all.

Sometimes people take instagram to the next level–as if it is literally real life.

What people do not know is that behind every perfect square, there is a story or a set up, should I say. That’s right. Those perfect feeds don’t happen naturally. They take effort, time and dedication! Most of those photos you see on perfect IGs are staged. People may take several shots of the same thing, and then go through a tedious editing process to only choose ONE picture to post. All this just for instagram! Not long ago, I was really obsessed with Instagram, but after taking a break for a while, I realized I had to make some changes.

One of the reasons I recently decided to make my Instagram less about my kids and home, and focus on my interests instead, such as my appreciation for the desert life, adventure, and travel, is because I really got tired of people thinking my life is perfect and I felt like I was attracting envy and jealousy. I understand that some people really mean well when they they:

“You are mom goals”, “You handle it so well!”, “I wish I could be strong like you.”, “Your house is always perfect.”

Haha. Well, thank you, but..

The truth is, I am just as human as you. Instagram is just Instagram. People post pretty pictures because people want to see pretty pictures. I am not perfect. Matter of fact, I am going through one of the most difficult stages of my life. I have been struggling with anger and bitterness and just like most of us, I’m just trying to survive! Day by day, I am leaning on God to strengthen me.

Just because I do not post about these negative emotions and difficult moments, it doesn’t mean I don’t have them or that they don’t exist. Just the other day, I broke down out of nowhere because I was feeling so overwhelmed with everything.

It’s time to stop comparing yourself to what you see on Instagram because there is much more to those squares. Every picture has a story. I guess you could say that’s the downfall of social media; it creates envy and the comparison game.

“So and so has this, so I’m gonna go get it too.”

I love Instagram because I get to follow amazing people with beautiful feeds I love so much. I get to share what I love with the use of photos and connect with people, but it’s so easy to get sucked into the comparison game, y’all.

“Be careful what you envy; everything is not always as it seems. ”

I honestly got so tired of all the comments about my life, kids, and home being perfect, so when my Chez Debz Blog went down the drain, I decided to focus on Desert Dweller Debz. I still post about my family + home every now and then but it is not the main focus. I wanted to share this with you all a while ago but I never got around to writing this blog post. My life is not perfect. My kids scream–all day. They fight. I yell. They yell. They make a big mess. Sometimes I go to sleep with a dirty kitchen. I still teach part time so some days, I don’t sleep until midnight, and wake up at 6am, while nursing baby all night. Some nights I get no sleep. Some days I don’t cook. my closet is currently a mess. Other days, everything is in order and I feel like super mom (Like today LOL)! Each day is a new day to do things differently and through my journey, I like to use Instagram to document my days like a lot of us do. Please don’t envy me or anyone else on on IG or Facebook. like this quote says:

“Comparison is a thug that robs your joy. But it’s even more than that – Comparison makes you a thug who beats down somebody – or your soul. ”

— ANN VOSKAMP
I honestly got so tired of all the comments about my life, kids, and home being perfect, so when my Chez Debz Blog went down the drain, I decided to focus on Desert Dweller Debz. I still post about my family + home every now and then but it is not the main focus. I wanted to share this with you all a while ago but I never got around to writing this blog post. My life is not perfect. My kids scream–all day. They fight. I yell. They yell. They make a big mess. Sometimes I go to sleep with a dirty kitchen. I still teach part time so some days, I don’t sleep until midnight, and wake up at 6am, while nursing baby all night. Some nights I get no sleep. Some days I don’t cook. my closet is currently a mess. Other days, everything is in order and I feel like super mom (Like today LOL)! Each day is a new day to do things differently and through my journey, I like to use Instagram to document my days like a lot of us do. Please don’t envy me or anyone else on on IG or Facebook. like this quote says:

“Comparison is a thug that robs your joy. But it’s even more than that – Comparison makes you a thug who beats down somebody – or your soul. ”

— ANN VOSKAMP